


Misery

by Teese



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-06 18:22:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1110093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teese/pseuds/Teese
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Bård and Calle get drunk together... in the long run... perhaps not a good idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been posting a lot of oneshots that were meant to be part of a story that I'm no longer writing, but they were meant as flashbacks... and I read over what I have written and figured that there are four flashbacks that belong together, more or less, so I'm putting them together here. There are two that I haven't posted before, but the other two I'm reposting...

“Hey, gimme that!” Bård shouted and attempted to steal the last bottle of wine from his companion’s hand, and yet he didn’t manage to. Calle swallowed the last remaining swig of the precious liquid, and that wasn’t acceptable. “It’s my birthday, not yours!” Bård yelled, but with a smile to his lips, and he fought bravely to get on top of the older and taller one. In the end, he was indeed on top of him, and he couldn’t help but to giggle at their position. “This looks gay,” Calle complained and then he started giggling too. “I’ll show you gay,” Bård replied, picking up on the challenge. “And I’ll reclaim that wine while I’m at it!”

Calle struggled to free himself at first, but the youngster’s lips against his own didn’t feel half that bad, and he gave in to the youngster’s warmth. When Bård felt the other man soften, he started giggling again, and he was supporting himself with his arms on each side of Calle’s thin, yet delicate body. They were looking each other in the eyes as the kiss ended, and they were craving for more. The feeling was intense, a sort of connection between the two of them, and they couldn’t feel the others staring. It was just the two of them.

“Well, congratulations!” Bård slurred and then tried to get off the blonde man’s body, yet Calle would have none of that, and he kept a firm grip on the younger’s hips. “You’re now officially gay.” Calle snorted at this. “Says you!”   
“Says I!”  
“But you kissed me!”  
“You could’ve stopped me.”   
“Well… you’re gay too!”

“Guys?” Vegard interrupted. It was first then that they realized how many people were staring at them, and yet the drunkenness made them quite oblivious to it. “Would you mind taking that upstairs, please?” the older brother said jokingly and nodded at the staircase. Calle laughed and then shook his head in an apologetic way. “You’re such a homophobe, Vegard,” he muttered and then nibbled at Bård’s lower lip, causing him to giggle as well, and yet another kiss was shared between the two friends. Vegard frowned at them. He wasn’t half as drunk as they were, and he concluded that the alcohol was the reason for their odd behaviour. It wasn’t like he hadn’t kissed Calle while drunk before, but this… it seemed very weird.

“Are you uncomfortable, big brother?” Bård asked in a high-pitched voice, faking that he was a girl and fluttered his eyelashes in the same manner, making Vegard’s frown go even deeper. “At least that made me feel uncomfortable,” he complained. “But I guess you could’ve done worse, little sister. I just wish you could take that kissing with you somewhere else.”   
“Oh, aren’t you a nice big brother.”   
“I’d do anything for my baby sister.”

“Sure. Let’s go upstairs, Bårda,” Calle said flirtingly and put his arm around Bård’s waist. Vegard rolled his eyes at the odd looking couple. “Enough with the jokes now,” he muttered and then took notice of some random chick trying to lift the TV. “Oh sweet Jesus,” he said and then walked off to keep her from ruining both the TV and herself.

The boys stared at one another for a brief moment after that, and jokes put aside, they were both wondering what was going on. The kisses they had shared, did they mean anything but pointless fun? Calle had felt a little guilty then, for just giving in, and that tingle he felt when their lips had met. It seemed to be a guilty little pleasure of his, and he wondered what Bård was thinking and feeling about it. Did he enjoy it too?

It had been their first kiss, meant to be a childish game of sorts, and turned out to be the true feelings of two adults. They were completely taken with each other, and yet they had no chance of knowing it. Both were bewildered, and like men often do in said situation, they both ignored it. At least until later that night, and from that point on, things would never be the same in their relationship again.

 

The majority of their guests were asleep and the two boys were left to themselves, more or less. An hour ago, they had localized Vegard; sound asleep in his bed with a beautiful, naked girl next to him. Calle had found the situation extremely amusing, seeing Vegard always lectured him about having one-night stands, and now he was caught in the same trap. Bård found it a little awkward. He had never seen his brother with a girl before, only when leaving for a date or randomly bumping into him with a girl while going out himself.

“He’s a lucky bastard, or what?” Calle asked as they went to Bård’s bedroom and undressed, all ready to get to bed. They were sobering up, and the thought of Vegard with the girl was starting to remind him of the kiss earlier on. Calle didn’t seem too caught up with it though, and he wasn’t sure whether he should bring it up or not. “Depends on what you mean by lucky.”   
“To sleep with a girl like that. He usually goes for the ugly ones, you know.”  
“Well, as you know, I’ve only been with one girl myself.”   
“Sounds kind of boring to me.”

Bård smiled. “I prefer it that way. I mean, we’ve been dating for what, three years?” Calle shuddered at the mere thought of it. “I know. That’s just plain crazy!” Bård shrugged. “I wouldn’t want it any different.” Calle nodded in a thoughtful manner, and then he frowned, as if wondering about something. “What?”

“You kissed me,” he said and raised an eyebrow at the younger brother. “Isn’t that like, not allowed?” Bård shook his head and smiled, although he felt it as if something was being revealed there, a secret of sorts. Of course it was wrong of him to kiss someone else, but it was Calle, and Maria wouldn’t mind that. But did she have a reason to worry? “But we’re just friends. I could be making out with you and not feel a thing.”   
“Sounds like a challenge to me.”   
“What?”   
“Yeah. You did seem more than a little eager during that kiss, you know.”   
“I’m not going to stick my tongue down your throat, that’s for sure.”   
“But, if we’re just friends, why does it upset you so much?”

Bård groaned. “You’re such a pain in the ass, you know,” he muttered and turned to face wall instead, not really wanting to discuss the matter any further. Calle had obviously been thinking about it just as much as he had been, and it made him feel uncomfortable. He wasn’t into his best friend; that just couldn’t be it.

“Hey,” Calle said and gently shook his shoulder. “Talk to me.” The youngster sighed heavily and then looked his companion in the eyes again, trying to see what he was thinking. “It shouldn’t feel like this, should it?” Calle shook his head. “No, it shouldn’t.” Bård licked his lips in a seductive way, and Calle couldn’t help but to laugh at the scene as it unfolded itself. “Are you being serious?” he nodded. “Yeah, come on.”

Calle leaned in for another kiss, yet he made a very careful approach to the younger one. They stopped for a second, merely looking at one another, if only to make sure that this was indeed what the other one wanted.

The kiss was gentle at first, as they both sought for each other’s allowance. It seemed so horribly wrong to go any further than that slight touch, and neither of them wanted to take the lead. Neither of them wanted to take it to the next level. It was then Bård shifted, and Calle was on top. He immediately took the hint, although he felt it to be a large responsibility on his shoulders’. Bård had always been the baby of their little group, and now he was straddling him, their lips touching, and he was asking for more.

“Are you sure about this?” he whispered as the kiss came to an end. The youngster nodded and took a deep breath of air, obviously quite affected by the touch. Calle felt a little more secure this time, and now he needed to be in charge of the situation. He pinned the younger man’s arms to the mattress whilst placing a trail of kisses from the nape of his neck and all the way to his lips, which he slightly parted with his tongue. Bård moaned slightly from underneath him, and they deepened the kiss.

“Holy fuck,” he breathed out as Calle pulled back, and they were both grinning from one ear to another. “This is… wow,” Bård whispered and held Calle close to him, running his fingers through his blonde, soft locks. The older one nodded in agreement and leaned in even closer, tracing his tongue from his neck and down, tickling him in the most delicious way, and he couldn’t hold back. The tiniest moan escaped his lips, sending shivers down Calle’s spine, and a smirk appeared on his face. “Fuck,” the youngster groaned, obviously pleased with where this was heading.

“You want me to go further?” Calle asked, breathing heavily into his ear. Bård knew it was wrong, wrong to share such moments of intimacy with someone else than Maria, but he needed to know what was going on. His whole body was aching with desire and lust for the other man, his best friend, and he felt so guilty he wanted to shout. And yet, his curiosity knew no limits. He needed to feel Calle, needed to be with him. “All the fucking way.”  
“Good!”

Calle continued his trail of kisses, all the way down to his underpants and what lay hidden there. He had never before touched another man like that, and the mere thought of touching Bård that intimately made him harden. “Take them off,” the younger one demanded and gave him an encouraging look, one that showed exactly how strong his interest was. It felt kind of weird to be doing this to his best friend’s younger brother. “Oh, God,” he moaned as his full erection was revealed. Bård had the cutest smirk to his lips then, when he took notice of Calle’s impressed expression. “I’ve never done this before, you know.”  
“I think you’re doing a great job anyway.”  
“Shit. You’re so damn perfect.”

Bård shivered at the words. Calle had rarely ever paid him a compliment, and never about his appearance. It caused him to smile, a little touched by his honesty, and Calle blushed slightly. “You’re not half that bad yourself,” he replied and then got to his feet. The other man looked slightly confused, all until Bård cupper his cheeks and kissed him once more, hungry for more. Before they knew it, Calle’s underwear joined Bård’s on the floor next to the bed. They were stroking each other, fondling with each other’s bodies.

“What… what do we do now?” Calle asked him hesitantly, straddling the youngster, just feeling him up with his hands. Bård was unsure. Of course he knew what came next, but he had difficulties saying it. It just seemed very wrong somehow, and he wasn’t entirely certain that he dared to touch Calle like that. He was scared to do something wrong, something that could cause him harm, and he shook his head. “You tell me.”   
“Well…”   
“I know, I know.”   
“Should we wait?”

Bård bit his lip. He wanted for Calle to do fuck him senseless, his whole body ached for it, and yet it seemed so absurd to be asking for it. It always turned him on when Maria pleaded for him to fuck her, and it would probably have the same effect on Calle if he begged him for it. Yet it seemed so humiliating. He sighed and decided that he would need to make a few sacrifices.

“Take me,” he whispered pleadingly, and Calle’s eyes grew larger at the inquiry. Bård seemed so fragile, and it probably wasn’t an easy thing to ask for, at least it would take a lot for him to ask for that. “Are you sure? You don’t have to do-“  
“Hey, I’m eighteen, you know.”   
“I know, but I don’t want to-“  
“Calle.”   
“Right.”

Now things were getting complicated for real, and Calle didn’t feel too confident to take this any further. Of course Bård took notice of this, and he had to smile a little. “It’s fine,” he whispered and took his hand in his, then squeezing it gently for reassurance. Calle nodded and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to hurt you, so you better tell me to back off if it feels wrong.” Bård nodded, still smiling at his friend and soon to be lover. “I will. Don’t worry.”   
“But… we haven’t got any lube. I’ll have to use-“  
“Calle! I’ll be fine.”   
“Yes, yes, I’m getting to it.”

Bård moved to lie on his stomach, gently spreading his legs for Calle, and the older boy felt nearly overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions. He felt like he was at a loss, but the sight of that tight little butt of his made him go crazy with want. More than anything, he wanted to be inside of him, to feel his warmth. And so he slowly began preparing him, using the only thing they had for lube, and then pressing his finger against the untouched opening. Bård groaned at the unusual feeling, and Calle felt a little alarmed. “You okay?”   
“Yes, for crying out loud! I’m good, Calle.”

A smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “Alright then,” he whispered and started moving in a slow pace, making sure that there would be no damage. At first it felt extremely uncomfortable, and Bård needed some time to adjust to the unfamiliar feeling. Then, when the second finger was inserted, things started happening. Calle’s fingers brushed against his prostate, and the feeling was among the most sensational he had ever felt. “Holy fuck,” he moaned into the pillow, now having difficulties controlling himself.

“You like that?” Calle whispered hotly, his lips brushing against his ear. “Yes! I can’t take more of this teasing… please,” he begged, and he didn’t need to ask twice. The older man slowly withdrew his fingers and took a firm grip of his hips, pulling him into doggy position and then led his shaft to the tight entrance. “Tell me if it hurts,” he whispered, and Bård was just about to yell at him when he made his way inside of him, quite slowly, but yet the feeling was so unfamiliar and overwhelming, he cried out in surprise. Calle stopped moving then, waiting, and then slowly stretching him further. Bård was so tight, it almost hurt to move, and for the sake of them both, he needed to be slow.

“I’m going to start moving now,” he whispered into his ear and made gentle caresses down his back and thighs, receiving a few muffled moans of pleasure. “Calle,” he whispered, but not pleadingly this time. He knew he needed him, and he started moving, quite slowly, and the feeling was sensational. “I know it’s a cliché,” he whispered breathlessly. “But you’re so goddamn tight, it almost hurts.”

Calle started moving faster from there, and Bård was literally screaming out his name as he was plunging into him, pushing him harder and harder down into the mattress. After several of hits against his prostate, he felt as if he was on the edge of orgasm, and he reached down to touch himself. “I’m soon gonna come,” Calle declared and placed a few very strategic thrusts against Bård’s prostate, really pushing the younger one’s limits, and with a loud scream of pleasure, Bård came. His inner muscles were tightening as he came, nine spasms in a row, and the feeling was staggering. “Fuck,” Calle grunted. The orgasm was overpowering, it almost felt like he was being shattered all across the room, and he couldn’t keep his mouth shut, yelling Bård’s name and collapsing on top of him.

“Holy fucking shit,” Calle said and attempted to gather himself, yet he felt completely devastated, although in a good way. No, it the best way imaginable. “Hey, get off, will you,” the youngster groaned from underneath him, then pushing him off. “Impatient, are we?” Calle teased and pulled the cover back over them, snuggling against the other man. Bård snorted at the comment and turned to face wall again, and of course Calle had to laugh at that little habit of his. “You’re weird.”   
“You had sex with me, so you’re weird too.”   
“I didn’t know weirdness was a STD.”   
“Shut up and leave me alone.”   
“Never.”

Calle smirked at the younger brother, and although Bård tried to hide it, he was grinning from one ear to the other. That made him a little proud, that he was able to make him smile in more ways than just one, and he couldn’t help but to think how beautiful he was. With a loving hand, he brushed a strand of hair out of his face and whispered: “That was pretty damn gay.”   
“Then we’re gay together.”   
“But what are we?”

Bård gave him a dirty look of disapproval, but also that of insecurity, and they looked at one another with bewildered faces. “We’re lovers,” Bård concluded and then brushed his nose against Calle’s. They both giggled, quite innocently, and yet what they had been doing was everything but innocent. The guilt was a burden too heavy to bear, and they both put it aside, because really, all they needed was a little carefree source of happiness in their lives, and now that happiness was in reach.


	2. Goodbye

It was the day after, the day that no one wants to wake up to, and the day that one cannot wait to get through with. The difference in their case was that no one could actually tell, and if they did indeed get a little suspicious, it would be absolutely devastating to them both. But luckily, this wasn’t the case. 

Vegard had been tremendously embarrassed about his little one-night stand, and he had left the building before she had even woken up. So really, their house was full of people suffering from what appeared to be a pretty damn painful hangover, and Vegard wasn’t there to help them out. All in all, they refused to get out of bed before he got back home, and they too weren’t entirely unaffected by the previously consumed amount of alcohol that was desperately trying to leave their bodies. It hurt. 

“This headache is going to be the fucking end of me,” Bård groaned and tried to close his eyes, wanting nothing but to drift back to sleep, and obviously, that wasn’t going to be an easy task with Calle next to him in the bed. He was sort of an early riser, in more ways than one, and sort of panicky due to last night’s events. 

“Vegard is going to kill me,” he whispered and looked at the younger one with a worried look to his face. The youngster groaned, once again completely annoyed with his friend. “Oh please,” he said and then, surprisingly enough, leaned closer to his lover, resting his head against his shoulder. “Vegard couldn’t kill a fly if he wanted to.”   
“I’m not so sure about that.”   
“Besides, he cares more for you than for me. Don’t worry.” 

Calle rolled his eyes at the comment, which by the way was the least reassuring comment he had ever received, and he came to realize exactly how unsympathetic Bård was. It was a part of his game, sort of, and Calle couldn’t help but to smile at him, his lover. The word seemed funny, as if it didn’t belong there with them. “Lovers,” he said tryingly and then received a strange look from the younger one. “It doesn’t sound right.”   
“Why?”  
“I don’t-“

“Bård?” someone asked from the door, and the two froze completely. It was Maria, no doubt about it, and Calle felt even more panicky. Then the door was opened, and Bård’s girlfriend was in the room with them. She smiled, and she obviously didn’t consider it weird that they were in bed together. “Oh, hi Calle.”   
“Hey.”   
“Didn’t realize you were still here.” 

Calle tried to smile back at her, but he felt disgusting, and the smile felt like a lie. Bård felt the same way, and he was completely pale from distress surrounding their situation. “We’re still going on a date, aren’t we?” she asked and gave Bård a look of disapproval. “Or do we have to stay here and clean up the house?” 

The two in the bed looked at one another now, both of them confused and also quite sad. He felt so bad that they had to leave each other at that point, and yet, he didn’t manage to admit it to Maria. He couldn’t do that

“No, no… Vegard will tend to that,” he assured her, and the words were obviously pleasing to her. The most gorgeous smile touched her lips, and Calle felt so small and so fragile in that position. She was a gorgeous woman, and he, what was he? Nothing like her, that was for sure, and he knew he couldn’t compete with that for everything in the world. Now they were naked in Bård’s bed, and if she took notice of that, things would get extremely bad. 

“I’ll go downstairs and make you guys some breakfast. You look like you could need it.” Bård smiled at her as she closed the door, and he threw her a kiss, a genuine one, and Calle looked as if his world was about to fall apart. “I’m just gonna go home,” he said and started searching for his clothes, and of course, everything but his underpants were in reach. “You sound angry,” the other one remarked, and with a tender look to his eyes, he pulled him back down underneath the covers. “You shouldn’t be.”   
“Look, Bård… it was a great night and all, but it feels really awkward now that she’s around.”   
“I know, but what do you want me to do? I can’t break up with her because of one night. I love her too much for that.” 

The older one nodded, clearly disappointed, and yet the other one couldn’t say much to cheer him up. He felt bad for him, for them both, because last night had really changed something within him, and he knew that he needed Calle. But what he needed more, was something only Maria could provide him with… 

“I guess I’ll see you around, Bård,” Calle whispered and then feigned a smile, and although Bård knew it wasn’t a genuine smile, he let it pass without a say. “You sure?”   
“Goodbye, Bård.”


	3. Should I stay or should I go?

Two months had gone by since Bård’s eighteenth birthday, and they nearly hadn’t seen each other, only through Vegard. Every day since had been affected by the incident. Calle couldn’t think properly, and his grades had suffered quite badly from the huge blow. He was thinking of going back to the army, perhaps get a job there or educate himself further. Maybe then he could bring himself to think of something else, something that didn’t involve Bård and the night they had shared. Maybe then he could put the idea of them getting together out of his head. 

Bård was still seeing Maria on a regular basis, and they were, as far as he knew, still a couple. A happy and carefree couple, but quite fragile too. Had Calle chosen to be selfish and tell her how Bård had cheated on her and then pushed his friend out of his life, she would’ve broken up with him. Maria couldn’t have handled anything like that, nothing beyond him kissing another girl. Sleeping with someone else, and a man at that, would’ve been devastating to her. 

 

It was just another Friday night, or it could’ve been. Calle’s parents were celebrating their anniversary out of town and he had the house to himself, seeing his sisters’ were spending the night at their boyfriend and best friend’s house. But Calle had never been fond of being home alone; he needed someone to keep him with company. The easy solution was to give his best friend a call about it, and he would bring over a couple of good movies and perhaps a few beers. They were going to have a good time. At least he thought so until someone rang the doorbell, the someone he thought to be Vegard. 

“Hey! Vegard is going to be late, but I brought these with me,” Bård said and handed him three of their favourite movies, and even though he wanted to shout at him for showing up, he didn’t. He merely looked at him, completely bewildered by the situation. “And why did you decide to show up instead?”   
“He said you were alone. I know you hate it.”   
“But-“  
“I’ve got beer as well.”

Calle couldn’t help but to smile at his companion, although the anger was still running through his veins and the pain of rejection lingered. The past few weeks had been mentally challenging, and he could in all conscience say that he had never felt more alone or more vulnerable his entire life. Now the cause of his misery stood at his door, offering him beer, and with a smile touching his lips. Was he mocking him? Angel once again welled up inside of him, and he spat at Bård’s feet, angrier than a Spanish bull. 

“Are you trying to be funny?” he hissed at the younger one whose face was frozen in the most ridiculous grimace, one that told him exactly how shocked he was. It wasn’t at all like Calle to lash out on somebody. “You’re just too fucking good to be true, you know! Coming here, at my door, offering me beer like nothing happened. Well, I got news for you, old chap! It did indeed happen, and don’t you dare come here and act like it didn’t!” 

Bård nodded slowly in comprehension, but he didn’t back off like Calle had assumed he would. Quite the opposite really, as he walked straight past him and into the living room, not even bothering to look back. He knew he didn’t need to, because it didn’t matter what he did anymore. The lethal injection had already been made, and he hadn’t realized in exactly what amount of pain Calle had been in. That hurt. 

“I’m sorry,” Bård whispered and then popped a beer, taking a long sip out of the can, as if it was the fountain of youth he was drinking from. “I know that won’t make anything better for you, or for us. And don’t get me wrong… it’s not like I can’t feel it, it’s just that I’ve been with Maria for so many years already… and why would I gamble with that?”   
“It’s up to you, Bård. I don’t want to stand in the way for what the two of you have.”   
“But you’re miserable, aren’t you?” 

Calle bit his lip. He wanted to keep it from shivering, and he wanted to keep himself from breaking. The mentioning of his own pain was too much, too heavy to bear, and he felt weakened. Whenever Bård was around, be it in his thoughts or in reality, he felt as if his body and mind went completely numb. He had an extremely soft spot for Bård, and it wasn’t until recently he had realized it always had been like that. But that night, it had really made an impact. 

“I am,” he admitted, the words softly spoken and not at all mad or upset. He didn’t want to be angry, and he didn’t want to be sad. Things had merely turned out like that, and he desperately needed to get away. He would soon have that arranged in some way. “I’ve been miserable since that morning, because ever since that morning… I’ve felt things for you I haven’t felt for anyone before. It scares the living cap out of me, and what is even scarier is that I’m alone. Had it been the two of us then sure, I would’ve pulled through. But not on my own.” 

The younger brother looked to him with teary eyes, not quite sure what to reply. He admitted something very important, something that was easily broken, and his feelings were true. Bård felt it the exact same way, but could he admit to it? He closed his eyes and whispered: “I wish I could be with you, Calle,“ and for a moment there, there was hope in the other man’s eyes. “I’ve been thinking about it too, every goddamn day, and still… it’s so fucking complicated.”   
“But do you feel this way with her?” 

The two looked at one another with tenderness to their eyes. Calle moved closer to him, and he leaned his head on his shoulder, trying his best not to cross any borders. Yet he was feeling sick from yearning, feeling tortured from their seemingly endless meetings and boring conversations. He needed to be with him for good, or not at all. But was he strong enough to make such a decision? Calle brought Bård’s hand to his chest and entwined their fingers, holding him close to his heart and soul. “Do you feel this way with her?” Bård tried to hold back the tears then, wanting to surrender to the moment, to Calle. “No,” he replied and brought the large and strong hand up to his lips and gently kissed it. “Not even close.”   
“Then why are you determined to stay with her? Why not stay with me and be happy?”   
“Because… I’ve been with Maria for so many years, and I can’t give up on-“   
“Seriously, Bård? Why would you rather be unhappy with her than being happy with me?”   
“I don’t know what I’m feeling, okay? It’s not that fucking easy to tell.” 

Calle sighed and withdrew his hand, completely and utterly discouraged by their whole conversation. It wasn’t heading anywhere, and he had a few serious decisions to make, the all of them based on what Bård had to say. He had to be completely honest with him. “I’m moving away, okay? I can’t stand seeing you with her instead of me, and I’m not usually the kind of guy to fall head over heels for someone like this… but I need you in my life as a… a boyfriend, or you cannot be part of it at all.”   
“What?   
“You heard me, Bård. I have to make a decision, and you need to make one as well.”   
“I can’t just…”   
“Whatever makes you happy, Bård. But you can’t have both of us.”   
“This is so messed up.” 

Their eyes met once again, and Bård flinched at his lover’s hurt expression. It was then it hit him, that maybe they could’ve had a great relationship together, maybe they could’ve learned to love each other and be happy for once. But happiness seemed so far away, and with Maria, it was possible to a greater degree. He wanted kids, and being two men together, that would be close to impossible in the nearby future. Could he give that up for Calle? He didn’t know, but he knew their feelings towards each other were true, and could he spend his life living a lie? 

“I love you so much,” Bård whispered and felt the tears burn in his eyes, a painful reminder as to what he had been exposing Calle to. “And I know I’ve been hurting you. I’ve been hurting us both so badly. How the hell can you forgive me for screwing things up like this?” 

He had expected for the other man to flare up with anger again, and it had been well deserved on his behalf, and yet he didn’t. He seemed rather calm, as if the words had been a surprise. “You’re staying?” Bård whispered and climbed on top of the older one, much like he had that night, and he once again claimed a kiss from the blonde. It was a brief sign of affection, a very welcomed one at that, and the older one giggled against his lips. “Yeah,” he whispered and tears of joy were running down his cheeks. “I’m staying.”


	4. Walk Away

“Did you tell her?” he asked and tried his best not to seem nervous, and yet he realized that it would be impossible. His hands were nearly trembling. “No, I… I can’t,” the younger one replied hesitantly, lowering his eyes, as if he was ashamed of something. Calle felt his mouth go dry, and he was afraid of whatever was going on. They had made a deal. “What?” he asked and was frantically searching for the younger one’s eyes, but he found no look of assurance there. “I can’t go through with it, Calle,” he admitted and put his hand on the other man’s shoulder, as to comfort him, yet Calle didn’t understand what was going on. “Why?” he whispered and felt the tears burning in his eyes. “Maria,” Bård silently murmured. “She’s pregnant… and I’m going to be a dad.”

Calle bit his lip to keep himself from sobbing. His walls were falling, and there was nothing he could do to prevent it from happening. “But… are you happy with that? I mean, you told me-“   
“Things have changed, you must understand that. I cannot walk away now.”   
“I see.” He didn’t see.   
“But we’ll still be friends.”

Calle didn’t want to stay friends. He closed his eyes, trying to focus on what was actually happening to them, to their plans and hopes together. All the things they had discussed prior to this life changing novelty. Everything was slipping through his fingers, and he wept silently. His loss was immense.

“Of course,” he whispered, not quite sure as to why he was even agreeing to this, it seemed absurd. And yet the other one was smiling. “You’re going to be an uncle!” he exclaimed and hugged him dearly, as if they had never been anything but friends. What happened to his lover? Calle started sobbing into his shoulder, and Bård somehow managed to pick up on this and held him close. He tried his best to soothe him, to help him accept it. In reality, he was too happy about Maria’s pregnancy to care much for anyone but her. It was unfair.

“Hey,” he murmured into Calle’s ear whilst rocking him in his arms, and he felt the love for the other man as strongly as he had before Maria broke him the news. But the baby had to come first. His baby had to come first. “You’ll do fine, you know.”   
“I know.” He didn’t know.   
“I still love you, you know.”   
“I know. I love you too, Bård.”

Bård brushed a misplaced strand of hair behind Calle’s ear, and he kissed him tenderly on the lips, much like they had done the night before. He remembered the loving embrace, the gentle touches of his man, and now this. The kiss was too much. Calle had never before been so fragile, so broken, and he felt hollow. He walked away, and he ignored Bård as he slammed the door shut. They couldn’t be involved, not now, not even as friends.


End file.
